What Is Your Purpose?

Its kind of funny. My strong, uncanny hatred and repulsion I have felt towards the outsiders and their way of living (people that aren't me, lol) is beginning to transform into a beautiful selfless desire to be apart of their world. Not only become a part of it, but contribute to it. I want that to be where I find my most inner happiness and accomplishment..the key to my personal gratification and satisfaction with the life I have chose to live while I was here on Earth. The fact that I had become the person I wanted to see in my world is the most rewarding and satisfying feeling I could ever achieve. I could honestly die happy & proud.

Meaning Of Friendship

My problem is that my perspective, what I feel like I need/want, and/or just merely my opinion on your decision that you made to limit our friendship to phone and internet is that your decision doesn't include my POV which I find immoral and I feel betrayed, forgotten, and sincerely unimportant as your friend.

Do I have valid reasons to feel the way I do? Does you know that your decision to not see me in person is (to me) an infallibly friendship? Are you saying that you are staying friends with me because of some other reason other than our commitment to be friends forever? Do I misunderstand or maybe not even know your true values are in life? Did that part of you change as well? If it did, I was not aware. The reasons why do not matter in the grand scheme of things because the truth is I've been blind sighted this entire time until right at this moment. I never have acknowledged the idea that your values or morals could apart of your dramatic change in yourself (after coming home from Iraq) that you frequently reminded me of. This would answer a lot of my questions and clear up a lot of confusion. It will however allow me to feel out what I need to feel thoroughly and help me gain closure with you. I will gain a great sense of relief once I know if I am understanding you correctly or not.

 Best description* I could find to summarize my understanding, my interpretation, of what you were attempting to explain/share with me, back when we were attending counseling together & the first explanation as I see as the main reason why you would choose to create physical distance in our friendship...

"understanding of friendship in terms of a receptivity to being drawn by your friend and by their apparent understanding of this receptivity in dispositional terms. Yet this would seem to be a matter of ceding your autonomy to your friend, and that is surely not what they intend. Rather, it seems, we are at least selective in the ways in which we allow our friends to direct and interpret us, and we can resist other directions and interpretations. However, this raises the question of why we allow any such direction and interpretation. One answer would be because we recognize the independent value of the interests of our friends, or that we recognize the truth of their interpretations of us. But this would not explain the role of friendship in such direction and interpretation, for we might just as easily accept such direction and interpretation from a mentor or possibly even a stranger. This shortcoming might push us to understanding our receptivity to direction and interpretation not in dispositional terms but rather in normative terms: other things being equal, we ought to accept direction and interpretation from our friends precisely because they are our friends. And this might push us to a still stronger conception of intimacy, of the sharing of values, in terms of which we can understand why friendship grounds these norms."

"[Friends have] the project of a shared conception of eudaimonia [i.e., of how best to live]. Through mutual decisions about specific practical matters, friends begin to express that shared commitment…. Any happiness or disappointment that follows from these actions belongs to both persons, for the decision to so act was joint and the responsibility is thus shared. [598]

This could explain why I feel judged and overlooked by you; More so just not equal to you in the sense of our friendship. Is it immoral to not care or be concerned with your friends input/feelings, shouldn't each friend be concerned with the others feelings? Especially when its a decision you are making that will  negatively effect the friendship. Our friendship effects us both, and if we honestly desire to be true friends to each other..shouldn't the decision be in both of our hands? I can understand your concern with remaining friends with someone who is addicted to their medication, and as far as your experience goes the medication tended to hurt me more than help me in those times of trial and tribulations.You rather not be apart of that or see that, right? That would be better for you. What about me though? What kind of effect do you think your decision has on me? Does it matter is the first important question, I guess. I found this article especially helpful in trying to explain how I am feeling (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-foundation-of-love-releasing-judgments-and-expectations/);

Judgment is what we add to discernment when we make a comparison (implicit or explicit) between how things or people are and how we think they ought to be. So, in judgment, there’s an element of dissatisfaction with the way things are and a desire to have things be the way we want them to be. 

 Someone not living up to your value of “hard work” you may judge as “lazy.” Someone who does not follow your idea of “giving” you may judge as “selfish.” Someone you judge as “inconsiderate” is not acting in a way you see as “kindness.”
Notice how it feels when others project their values onto you. The question is not whether someone is right or wrong, but whether the words and actions are coming from the spectrum of fear on one side or love on the other. The result will be either constructive or destructive. When you make someone wrong, there’s a value you hold being stepped on. It’s black and white in your mind, but in between lives everyone else’s perception of truth.

When you let go of needing others to live according to your “right” way, you realize how others respond is simply a projection of their reality. A shift can now happen away from your fear-based ego, toward love and compassion where you can seek to understand, share, teach, and model. Trying to be patient is next to impossible in the place of fear, but shift to love and you will find all the patience you need.
We are all seeking truth, but truth is in the eye of the beholder. Discernment not judgment leads you to truth by getting curious and noticing whether someone’s perception of reality comes from love or fear. It’s the difference between competition and cooperation; doubt and trust. It will lead to holding on or letting go,

I think you truly care how you impact the people you love (friends, family, etc) and I believe you always try to make the best decision that is equally best for everyone...that you are a virtuous & mostly unselfish soul, please correct me if I am wrong. I've been terribly confused on who you are since you've been back in the states..and what beliefs have changed and if the things that did change (in you) are the results/reasons why you are not concerned about my perception, wants, nor desires, in your decision of not hanging out in person but still remaining friends? I'm just having a difficult time understanding how friendship should be based off what is only best for one person...I always believed that our understanding of what true friend consisted of was mutually agreeable and understood. I guess I am wrong?